November 30, 2012
November 30, 2012
November 30, 2012
November 30, 2012
I’ve been wanting to remark about this for awhile but never got around to writing it… but here it goes. I’ve been observing my behavior around other virtual groups I am in and around interacting with my current healer, as well as how I react to her offerings, etc.
What I mean by that is – I’m pretty quiet.
I am absent.
In other words… I like being anonymous.
November 30 2012
I’ve been experiencing a lull the last few days. There are many reasons why this could be. I have been tired, feeling off from the dog bite – maybe. It’s “that time of the month.” It’s been a full moon, which normally effects me – which was also a lunar eclipse, which makes it even more powerful. There have been a lot of things going on this week. Plus I’m taking a homeopathic remedy for my dog bite, although that shouldn’t effect – maybe it does.
So I’ve been in a lull. It’s been hard for me to focus this week and most of the week I’ve been hanging around, not in the mood to do anything work related – although I have done a few bites and pieces here and there.
My new event on Wednesday was great – the Silly Stupid Event – very funny, out of the box, and totally me. It was genius on so many levels, I loved it and so did the attendee. And I’m grateful that one person came (although more people were signed up…) because this gave me an opportunity to try out the new material, where I was feeling a bit nervous and on the spot – since it was such unique material – for the first time. In any event, I know I’ve been a bit down about my business…. again.
And yes, I see the pattern. Me full of ideas, producing a lot and staying focused, and then being bummed out, tearing myself down with my thoughts. It’s that transition phase, again, leaving the old behind and welcoming in the new. Sometimes the new comes in so strongly – or I can feel it or see it so strongly manifesting – and then other times I wonder when it’s going to be.
I have had good news brewing. Something on one of my big projects has been happening, but won’t announce it on here until a deal has been finalized, but that’s fantastic news… yet, I still play with these old, downer thoughts.
No solution right now. No, “I’m going to do this or stop that” – I’m just sharing.
I wouldn’t normally write a post like this. A “downer” post, but I think it’s important to share the journey, as you too are either going through the transition into your life purpose now or will be doing it shortly and I want you to know what’s really going on, so you can know you’re going through something normal.
I think the main thing I’ve been down about is that fact that even though things have been flowing really great most of the time with high energy, I still do feel it’s been taking a lot of energy from me – a lot of focus – and that has gotten to be tiring. A bit too aggressive / male energy feeling… and I guess these few days when I’ve been feeling low I’ve been re-working how I am going to have a smoother ride. I don’t want to push so hard and I don’t want to use so much energy and power to create. I feel intuitively that manifesting should be smoother and easier – but I do realize that it has to have more willpower than I was previously putting to it.
So now I realize, that I went from manifesting in a real laid back way to the other extreme of manifesting with more power, control and energy. As I write it I get it… this week I’m moving more towards the center of manifesting with full intent and power and control, but not quite as much of personal power.
Okay, that’s good news then. A good realization. Glad I wrote this post 🙂
November 28 2012
The world has recently become a more loving place. A nicer place. I think this has to do with the noticings I’ve been having in my business and my awareness of overall what’s been going on.
You see before I used to feel I had to protect myself from other people. I didn’t realize this consciously, but it was very much a thought process that was operating in me. When I would post something on my blog…whether it be a video or a blog post… I felt I was up for possible attack. I would be vulnerable, people would know my internal thoughts or feelings… and then they could criticize. Be on their high horse and judge me.
Even though I felt judged, I still did it.
(Now I really wonder why…)
I would send out newsletters and people wouldn’t reply. It was like I was being ignored. Or silently made fun of. Again, I didn’t realize this consciously – but I always felt uneasy. Always felt afraid. Always worried of attack.
Of people talking about me. Making fun of me. Judging me. Criticizing me.
Normally they say no news is good news…. but the silence to me was deadly. It worried me. Why were they looking at me. Thinking negatively about me. Silently mocking me. Why was I such a freak. I didn’t want to be on observation, yet I put myself there cause I felt I had something to share.
And this went on for years. But now I have more clarity. More understanding. More has been coming to light since I sent out that last email that I shared with you guys about how I am having my mailing list only be of people who are personally working with or soon to be…
People wrote how much they love me. How long they’ve been on my mailing list… How much they’ve learned from me, etc. They were sad that I was saying goodbye to them.
(Which again, it was just a “hey, move over to Facebook…” but I understand that everyone reads that message and interprets based on their own stuff)
So now things have changed for me.
There is still somewhat silence going on with Facebook and YouTube videos, as in no or low comments, but I see it different. I see myself as this leader. The one with wisdom and knowledge that I am sharing. And that the people who are reading are private or shy. I no longer see them as out to get me cause they aren’t commenting, appreciating, or sharing my work.. I just see them as who they are. More innocent. More likable. More reading, understanding, processing… on their own. Not that they are reading and mocking. Not out to get me. But learning from me…. and for some this is a solo thing. A silent thing. A private thing. I am getting it more and more.
So in any event…. the world has become nicer.
Doing my events have become more comfortable. Same deal as with cyberspace… goes with events. Now I look at these events as people coming to learn from me… rather than before, thinking they were out to criticize and judge me.
I know this has changed, because I have done healing on myself to change this…
I have been working on it with my healer quite a lot.
It feels much better to live this way. Amen.
November 28, 2012
I also noticed today that I am free of judgments of others. This is something that I wanted to get into a space of and now I think I am there. I noticed a few people doing things yesterday that I did not care for, but I no longer had a feeling emotion tied to it. I just didn’t care.
Instead I felt like I was just watching a blank screen or a movie and what they were doing didn’t phase me. There was no charge to it like there used to be.
And this is related to the antibiotic decision and discussion from the other day that I had with my father. He’s a medical professional. He’s a doctor and he has his own perspective on things. This was how I was raised. With medical care and logical thinking. The science of things and the belief in medicine.
I still believe this. I still have it going in me, but now I looked at him and the profession differently. Here my father was urging me to go on antibiotics and take care of my wound that way – “to not risk it” or “play around with it” – and although at first he got me more with that fear, I stepped away from it.
The awareness came today. That’s his perspective. That’s his experience. And I respect that – he needs to respect how I believe. No lectures. No judgments or comments that I’m doing something wrong. This is no longer acceptable and won’t be listened to or entertained. Before I would let it influence me. I would want to do something… but because my father is so convincing and speaks with such firmness and confidence, it would scare me. I would shrink and go in fear and not want to go against the grain.
But now I don’t look at it like that anymore. I have my own perspective and that works for me.
His perspective works for him. Mine works for me.
And I don’t see it as I’m better than him cause I do homeopathy, which is maybe how I used to have judgment but now I just see it as different decisions based on people’s experiences and knowledge, their truths. So I switched to homeopathy and that’s good for me. No judgment.
No of course if and when he hears that I did this… I’m haven’t told him and not sure if I will, as it’s none of his business.. I’m sure he’ll try to make me feel bad, not intentionally but out of his “experience” and knowledge, but I realize now it’s none of his business.
It’s not up for discussion.
And this was the same realization that I had a few weeks or days ago about things I do in my business. I blogged about it. That it’s not up for discussion… I’m not asking your opinion… and I don’t need to explain myself.
You see, this all stems back to our parents. All back to the people who we were raised around and by. I healed that stuff when it came to my business… and now it’s being reflected in my family relationship. Feels good. Ahh, look how far I’ve grown. 🙂
November 28, 2012
The next day, after having a horrible sleep, I was able to think straighter and be back in my power. I realized that this was just a lesson Spirit was teaching me to clear out more of my victim mentality and to be fully in my power and take control of all aspects of my life.
The dog had bit me. I was in shock, but I was able to protect myself and get help as needed. I had taken one dose of the antibiotic the night before, but today I was going back to the remedy I felt good about. I was to contact my Naturopath. Have a conversation and get on a treatment plan, the natural way.
And that’s exactly what I did. Back in my power. Taking a remedy. Treating my body in a way I was happy about and in a way I felt empowered with. Who cares that I had taken 1 of the antibiotics the day before. Who cares that my father encouraged me and the doctor at the hospital gave me a script for the antibiotic, I know my body and I know what’s best for me.
And that’s how I took back my power in this situation. I put away the antibiotics and I started my remedy. The fear was gone and I was able to think straight and be grounded in my decision. And that’s the way it goes. Good for you Blaire 🙂 Back in your power.
November 28 2012
I was bit by a dog yesterday and I went into panic and shock. There was an excited dog in our neighborhood (we’ve passed him and his owners before) – but this time he slipped out of his home and came running right for my dog, Magic. I picked up Magic so he wouldn’t get bit and I got it – in my abdomen.
I didn’t realize it at the time as I was spinning around, holding Magic, and yelling trying to get the dog away… but then when the owner came and grabbed the dog, I realized – “Hey, I think your dog bit me?!” I lifted up my shirt and there was a mark and blood.
It was crazy.
So I never thought I’d get bit by a dog, so I didn’t know what to do once you get bit.
I was scared. Panicky. “Oh no…. ” I went home and started googling. “What do you do when you’re bit?” I tried to call my father, who’s a doctor, but my parents were on a plane from here back home, so I couldn’t reach them.
I knew I had to go to the hospital to get a shot. Some treatment. And so I went.
It was crazy how it all happened. The odds of that dog getting me. The odds of the dog running out of that house at that exact time we were passing, etc, etc…. there was no coincidence.
And this was right after I made a video about how Spirit was showing me my victim mentality, in order to clear it out. Heal it. Bring it to the light, so I could be in my power in all situations.
But here I was not in my power.
I now had a story. The story of how I got bit by a dog.
I asked Spirit, when I realized this….. “How do you act and speak when you really are a victim?” I didn’t make up this story. It wasn’t something all in my mind. It happened and it hurt. And I was tempted to tell others the story of my drama.
But I didn’t.
I had to tell it at the hospital to the doctor and nurses who were helping. But I held myself back from telling all my neighbors when I got back home.
I was filled with fear and worry – it was anxiety – and lasted for many hours. It was hard for me to calm down. The paramedic at the hospital told me I had to make a police report, to have something on record, in case my neighbor didn’t pay my hospital bill. So after I got home from the hospital, I was waiting for the cops. Then after the cops I was waiting for them to come back and give me their report and tell me if the dog had a rabies shot. I had to get my case number. Then I had to eat dinner. Then I had to walk Magic again. Then I had to shower. Then I had to go to sleep.
Opps, I almost forgot – I also had to go to Whole Foods to get some natural wound care gel, as well as to the pharmacy to get an antibiotic the doctor prescribed for me to take.
And this was another story for me… another victim story. Because I have been anti-antibiotics for some years now. I had gone the natural way. Homeopathy. I had been working with a Naturopath with success for 3 years now. I knew I didn’t need to get the tetanus shot. I tried to call my Naturopath, but got her voicemail and didn’t bother leaving a message. I was in a state of panic. I had been bit and wanted to act fast. I felt I had to act fast. I didn’t want anything bad to happen.
So I did what I always did – in the past – and went with traditional medicine. I couldn’t think straight. I was on my own. I was scared. I went to the old standby.
And although I kept telling myself it was okay… and that it’s okay to use modern medicine… and that I was scared and wanted to do what felt comfortable…. I still felt bad. Sad. Like I had let myself down and that now I was taking pharmaceuticals in my body and that couldn’t be a good thing.
So this was how it was left. I spoke to my father later that evening…. when I had decided I was going to do homeopathy, but was still figuring it out as to what to take… and he encouraged and urged me to take the antibiotics and that my bit was actually a punctured wound and it didn’t look good, plus it was on my abdomen and he didn’t want me taking any chances with it getting infected in that area.
So I went with the old standby… and I was feeling bad about it. Like a victim… yet again. I was up for most of the night in worry… and overall just so wound up it was hard to sleep. In a state of shock at all that had happened and all I was dealing with, running around taking care of over the last 7 hours, when I was supposed to be planting my new veggie garden. That was the time I had allotted to plant veggies, but instead I was at the hospital, with the cops, at the drug store, and at whole foods. What a wasted evening.
November 26, 2012
I’m moving into a place of enlightenment and it feels freakin’ amazing. I know that sounds like a bold statement – the “moving into enlightenment” bit – and that’s what I thought when the words first came to me about a week ago. I said, hold up, that’s ego! But upon further inquiry I realized that those words came from my knowing place – my intuition.
Wow. A place of enlightenment. An enlightened being. Pretty freakin’ amazing.
I never thought an enlightened being would look like me. Shouldn’t I be some guru (hehe, that was such a slip, but how funny is, what a nice little joke and sign from Spirit) 🙂 Shouldn’t I be living in some mountaintop and meditating all day long. Shouldn’t I be some Saint. Some holy person? Shouldn’t I this… shouldn’t I that.
And the answer is nope. Not needed. And here you are. This is where you are going.
That’s pretty cool. I don’t know all that is involved with “being enlightened” but I think it just means having deep awareness. Seeing through patterns and people’s wounding and having the knowing on how to move them (and yourself) through it. And yes, I have that.
I also think it means moving into a place of experiencing Heaven on Earth. I’ve written about this before and yes, I think it’s this experience. Things manifesting easier. Faster. With higher frequency, for your greatest good, to support your divine mission.
It feels fantastic, and I’m not there yet, but I am sure I am moving to that position.
I have been clearing core issues for several years ago and this past week was the big bang. The final clearing. I felt it while it was happening. I knew it when it was happening. It was a clearing and a hearing and an asserting of my power when it came to my intimate relationship (with my ex), my family relationship (with my parents), as well as with my business.
Here’s a video I made on it. I’m going to put it out into the world later today or tomorrow. 🙂 Amazing. I’m so in love.
November 26, 2012
Yes, this is another post related to “playing it small,” 🙂 I thought I would title it something different. You see, all these years I was blaming others. Mad at Spirit because of what it was doing to me. Keeping me down. Since I am stepping more and more into the place of enlightenment – all areas of my life where I was playing the victim are coming to the light. It’s really a remarkable experience. I am loving all the lessons and awarenesses I’ve been having.
So one of those ways I was playing it small was by blaming others for keeping me down. Many people weren’t signing up for programs or events. People were telling me my prices were too expensive, that they didn’t have the money.. and on and on. But now I realize, buying into everyone else’s thoughts and fears and worries, was the way I WAS KEEPING MYSELF DOWN.
It wasn’t them doing this to me…. their comments reflected their own state of being. Their fears reflected their own anxieties, their own places in their life where THEY NEEDED HEALING.
And that’s the problem with being around low vibrational people. People who haven’t done the “work” that you have done and the problem with not hanging out with people who are higher on the totem pole with you.
That’s why you always hear people say to hang out with people who are more successful with you. This could mean money wise… which I used to think it was… but now for me, it includes people with more money as well as done more healing related to money and success.
Because even though you won’t realize it (for years I didn’t) these people who weren’t on a higher level of thinking and healing than I was, were keeping me down. Keeping me in victim mode. Keeping me small. Keeping me hiding and playing it safe.
No more. I’ve got it now 🙂
So many discoveries, so many shifts all in one day 🙂 So fabulous!